Superman vs Spiderman xxx “My Review”

11 Feb

Well, after hearing about the latest Axel Braun superhero parody becoming a huge seller and reading the rave reviews online. I thought I better watch it to see why so many people are enjoying these kind of films.

Superman vs Spiderman box art

Here is my review.

First up in the film we meet Spidey capturing some bad guys. Black Cat shows up and decides to fuck him, as you do in these films.

Black cat did look amazing sucking cock with her mask and white gloves on, but the gloves soon come off. And when she finishes him off it’s without gloves on. It’s not as hot. Actually, he tugs himself and nuts all over her breasts. She doesn’t even swallow. I thought cat’s are meant to like milk?

Black cat sucking cock

Dock Ocs CG tentacles look silly, which isn’t a bad thing, but they are never used to full potential. For instance, a bondage scene would have been perfect.

When we meet Lex Luther and Ms Teschmacher for the first time. Super Girl arrives to stop them and we see them play out the Superman movie scene. The one where Luther, after placing the Kyptonite around Superman’s neck, throws him into the water.

Problem here is Super Girl isn’t tossed into water. Which would be sexy. Instead she is thrown onto a table. Ms Teschmacher saves her but first requests lesbian sex. The sex between these two is actually quite hot. Teschmacher licks and fingers Super girl while she is still wearing her red panties and skirt. This earns big points. Although Super Girl isn’t wearing the more sexy crop top outfit.

The sex talk between them is stock standard. ” I love your fat little pussy” and “be a good girl and make me cum”. They keep missing the opportunity to lace the dialogue with pop culture references. Where is the ” Does your cousin Superman make you cum this hard?”

Super Girl seduced

And again, this sex scene is a little long.

The acting between the sex scenes is bad as expected. I don’t have a problem with that.

What I do hate in porn and low budget films in general. Is when the direction, editing and dialogue is also bad. By bad I mean slow and stilted. This film is no different.

The sex scene between Superman, Mary Jane and Liz Osborn is fine. But in the world where ass to mouth and throat fucking is king. This feels a little boring. Also, for someone as strong as Superman. He sure does work up a sweat.

Speaking of dodgy Superman. His flying scenes are just a head shot of him standing there with a fan blowing him. See the picture below. Yes that is as good as it gets. In todays age where 14 year olds can create stunning special effects this is inexcusable.

Superman flying!!!!

There is a scene where a caged Lois Lane is forced to suck Lex Luther’s cock. This would have been sexy if she just made him cum right there. But no, they proceed to have a long, seen it before sex scene.

Considering Lois is meant to be doing this against her will, she enjoys it and reacts like any other porn actor. Even begging for more. While Superman is watching mind you! If Lex is meant to be such an evil character, why didn’t he painfully anal fuck Lois. Another missed opportunity for a dramatic but sexy scene.

A very bad acting Spider Woman shows up to save the day and another average unimaginative sex scene ensures. Although her line “You going to shoot me with your fucking web shooter?” is a step in the right direction.

This film would have been fantastic 25 years ago. But gone are the days of 80 minute porn films with stories. We have instant access to beautiful women in all manner of extreme sex act’s. You name it, it’s available. And fans of porn need a stronger fix every time.

But this is for the comic book and spandex fetish fans I here you cry.

Even being a comic book and super heroine fan myself. This film didn’t do it for me. Where are the feats of strength and super powers? The creative peril scenes Heroine fans crave? Also If you are going to use spandex, Where is the cameltoe and wedgies. John Stagliano understands the erotic appeal of tight spandex and killer sex. Why isn’t he directing these films.

Maybe I’m wrong because these films are selling well and Braun is taking home fistfuls of awards for doing them. My hat is off to him for making a success of it.

But damn, I need to knock on Vivid entertainments door.

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