Iron Man xxx parody – my review

13 Jun

While in pre-production on my own Iron Man parody “Iron Girl”. I thought it would be a good time to watch and review Axel Brauns latest “masterpiece”, a parody of the first Iron Man.

The film begins in Afghanistan (actually outskirts of Los Angeles). We first see a cheap and joke free scene where he demonstrates Starks weapons similar to the first Iron Man film.

His limo is blown up and he awakens to find a woman beside his bed. She is the “genius” that has placed the electro magnet in his chest to stop the shrapnel from entering his heart. The side effect of the magnet is he has a constant hard on ( this funny premise is never used again ) and they fuck. The sex scene is fine and includes anal. It concludes with a facial. Not ass to mouth because there is a cut scene.

He is ordered to build a weapon by the pervert who just watched them fuck. A quick cut scene of them building the Iron Man armor happens and Tony Stark escapes in his first Iron Man suit. The costume looks fucking retarded and cheap. I loved it! This costume gave me my first genuine laugh.

iron man xxx

Next scene we are in some mansion during a costume party. Tony is in his familiar red and gold suit. He participates in an average threesome while the Mandarin, some lame LA porn stud (again, not the right ethnicity) gets his cock sucked while waiting for Tony. The slut swallows his mandarin juice, a little gets on her chin but she gets most of it down. Guess she needed her vitamin C.

I will give them thumbs up for trying to recreate the comic book Mandarin complete with power rings, even though it looks stupid. The costume is way too baggy and they missed out on a great comedic opportunity to have him look and act asian with a politically incorrect accent. You know the one “Me so solly, I don’t rikey” the mandarin

The two chicks boning Tony try to kill him in a unexciting scene while he is sleeping. By the way it was easier for them to do away with the chest piece instead of doing make-up. So he just says he doesn’t need it anymore, funny right?

Next day Tony links one of the sluts who tried to kill him with a chinese weapons company. Despite Pepper trying to stop him, he heads to Hong Kong.

After he leaves, Black Widow enters the room. She walks towards the camera in the most fucked up way. Trying to be “comic book cool” she steps one foot in front and across the other. You have to see it to laugh at it. (I mean at it, not with it) I really think they were trying to be cool here.pepper and widow fuck

Pepper and Widow engage in some bad acting then some lesbian sex. The rubber sounds as Pepper fondles Widows costume are funny. The lust making is fine. Points for Widow keeping most of her costume on.

The film jumps to the final showdown with the Mandarin. After an uneventful fight with hand gestures from both parties, Mandarin disappears and then the credits roll. That’s it? What the fuck!

Wait…there’s more!

There is an end teaser. We meet Nick Fury (played brilliantly by Lex Steele) as he fucks and creams all over someone. Stark rocks up and Fury tells him he is putting together a team.

So to sum up, the film again misses some opportunities to be genuinely funny and the sex scenes don’t compare to what is out there. The actors lazily go through the motions and the story doesn’t try to be creative. Axel seems to have shoehorned the Mandarin into the film because the villain is in Iron Man 3. If you are saying “Fuck you, you do better”. Well….

I’m going to try.

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