Heroines in Peril – Instant Gratification!

Well maybe not instant but you won’t be waiting years for my films. What the hell am I talking about? For those unaware, I recently filmed a Super Heroine parody called IRON GIRL for which I ran an indiegogo campaign to raise the funds to pay for it. See this post for the details.

Lately, crowd sourcing has had some controversy concerning big name celebrities jumping in. People who could fund their own projects or ask wealthy friends or colleagues. I’m not going to debate if this is right or wrong but it’s worrying the smaller no budget campaigner.

I want to talk about something else that should be more of a worry to artist’s struggling to raise money for their dream projects. The fact that when your campaign is successful FINISH THE DAMN PROJECT IN A TIMLEY MANNER!

Years ago, before trying my own projects I contributed to two campaigns. The first was STRIPPED: THE COMIC DOCUMENTARY the other was MAN-CHILD by Ryan Koo creator of the popular filmmaking site nofilmschool.com . Stripped goal was $58,000 and reached $109,025, double the amount. Man-Child made $125,100. $10,000 more than it’s target. Both campaigns ended on September 23, 2011. Two years have past and still no sign of the finished product.

Now the guys doing Stripped have been good at keeping everyone updated. They also look like they are putting together something really special but seriously, two years and a second campaign for more money and still not done! I have given up on Ryan ever filming Man-Child as I think he has spent all the money on a short film to sell the idea of a bigger feature film.

Another project I was keen to fund was NEIL GAIMAN’S THE PRICE. I came across this campaign a few months after it ended. It had made $161,774. This was $11,000 more than it’s goal. The campaign ended on December 1, 2010. Yes almost 3 years later and he is still working on his short film. I’m glad I missed funding that project.

Don’t think that I am just bad mouthing these people. It’s clear these 3 campaigns are passion projects for clearly talented people who have unique visions. This is why I was attracted to them in the first place. But they are leaving people questioning contributing to future campaigns. That’s far worse than a celebrity asking for money.

Yes filmmaking is hard and what can go wrong will go wrong. But you also made a promise to the people who gave their money and trust. What I originally liked about crowd sourcing was that struggling individual artists with no other means can raise the cash to make their film. The big problem is the struggling artist is not prepared to make the film they promised. Are they skilled in budgeting, time management, people skills?

Behind the veneer of a great idea may not be the romantic vision of a talented genius with a brilliant work ethic. But the stereotypical insecure, anxiety riddled, malnourished bum that is unable to keep a regular job.

A bit extreme but you get the point. When I launch my campaigns I like to give an estimate of when they will receive their perks and the final film. Then by all means necessary, deliver what I promised. If you don’t then do you seriously think people will fund your future projects?

So if a well known celebrity with a studio ready to make their film asks for money. At least you know the film will get made.

Speaking of films being finished on time and budget, here are some stills from my latest epic.

Give me your money!

That’s right, I’ve got my hat in hand again, asking for your spare change. Rest assured though, unlike the heroine addict on the street, I am going to give you something fantastic in return, (not an STD filled blow job in the alley). My Iron Girl indiegogo campaign has been up for three days now and has already sold the most prized perks on offer, the costumes from the film.

But there are still some very cool perks on offer, all exclusive. Like a photo portfolio of Iron Girl in her tight costume showing great camel toe. Exclusive behind the scenes footage that will be pass word protected. And your own exclusive customized video, that’s right. You can send a message and Iron Girl will break the forth wall during the film to speak the message to you. I’t can be a very sexy and dirty message but we retain the right to edit the message just in case we get people being funny and ordering something weird or hate filled. Of course if you have concerns your message may be changed, feel free to send the message and we can review it and get back to you.

This is my third campaign to create a Super Heroine film. The first two campaigns failed miserably. The first was to create my epic “The Supervixens”. This was a cast of 12 female heroes and villains. It was far to ambitious and expensive and ultimately failed. My next campaign was for Thor vs Loki and had a modest amount of $2500. Again we failed to raise the money but because it was a short film with only two women, we decided to film it anyway. Although the brief nudity we had planned was removed. This film is free to view on youtube to show everyone the type of films we make.

Our latest campaign is asking for the bare bones amount to get the film made. Just $500. This will pay for the sexy girl playing Iron Girl and the visual effects, she fights a giant mutant hunting Sentinel. Here is hoping third times a charm.

So please check out the campaign and share it with people you might think will like it. And like the glassy eyed homeless addict on the end of my street keeps asking, “give me some money”.

Iron Man xxx parody – my review

While in pre-production on my own Iron Man parody “Iron Girl”. I thought it would be a good time to watch and review Axel Brauns latest “masterpiece”, a parody of the first Iron Man.

The film begins in Afghanistan (actually outskirts of Los Angeles). We first see a cheap and joke free scene where he demonstrates Starks weapons similar to the first Iron Man film.

His limo is blown up and he awakens to find a woman beside his bed. She is the “genius” that has placed the electro magnet in his chest to stop the shrapnel from entering his heart. The side effect of the magnet is he has a constant hard on ( this funny premise is never used again ) and they fuck. The sex scene is fine and includes anal. It concludes with a facial. Not ass to mouth because there is a cut scene.

He is ordered to build a weapon by the pervert who just watched them fuck. A quick cut scene of them building the Iron Man armor happens and Tony Stark escapes in his first Iron Man suit. The costume looks fucking retarded and cheap. I loved it! This costume gave me my first genuine laugh.

Next scene we are in some mansion during a costume party. Tony is in his familiar red and gold suit. He participates in an average threesome while the Mandarin, some lame LA porn stud (again, not the right ethnicity) gets his cock sucked while waiting for Tony. The slut swallows his mandarin juice, a little gets on her chin but she gets most of it down. Guess she needed her vitamin C.

I will give them thumbs up for trying to recreate the comic book Mandarin complete with power rings, even though it looks stupid. The costume is way too baggy and they missed out on a great comedic opportunity to have him look and act asian with a politically incorrect accent. You know the one “Me so solly, I don’t rikey” 

The two chicks boning Tony try to kill him in a unexciting scene while he is sleeping. By the way it was easier for them to do away with the chest piece instead of doing make-up. So he just says he doesn’t need it anymore, funny right?

Next day Tony links one of the sluts who tried to kill him with a chinese weapons company. Despite Pepper trying to stop him, he heads to Hong Kong.

After he leaves, Black Widow enters the room. She walks towards the camera in the most fucked up way. Trying to be “comic book cool” she steps one foot in front and across the other. You have to see it to laugh at it. (I mean at it, not with it) I really think they were trying to be cool here.

Pepper and Widow engage in some bad acting then some lesbian sex. The rubber sounds as Pepper fondles Widows costume are funny. The lust making is fine. Points for Widow keeping most of her costume on.

The film jumps to the final showdown with the Mandarin. After an uneventful fight with hand gestures from both parties, Mandarin disappears and then the credits roll. That’s it? What the fuck!

Wait…there’s more!

There is an end teaser. We meet Nick Fury (played brilliantly by Lex Steele) as he fucks and creams all over someone. Stark rocks up and Fury tells him he is putting together a team.

So to sum up, the film again misses some opportunities to be genuinely funny and the sex scenes don’t compare to what is out there. The actors lazily go through the motions and the story doesn’t try to be creative. Axel seems to have shoehorned the Mandarin into the film because the villain is in Iron Man 3. If you are saying “Fuck you, you do better”. Well….

I’m going to try.